So...As it turns out, I am still 33 years old and I just turned down a 100k+ a year job. Yeah - many of you guys may think that I am nutz, but in reality I have been making 100k+ for over 7 years now and for some reason it just doesn't seem to be much money. I know, I know, most people strive to make 100k, but in my world, which sometimes feels unlike reality, 100k is not that much money.

My main issue is that I compare myself to my peers. I have friends that span the salary range, and I don't think any less of them - I personally am very blue collar by nature, but when looking at the white collar work that I have done over the last couple of years and compare it to the rest of my peers, 100k seems to be missing something....another 100k. For some reason or another I feel that I should be hitting the 200k+ range and I am disgusted with my feelings but there are the reasons why.

I have put in thousands of hours working for people who make lots of money (lets put lots of money at over 500k per year for the time being). I have spent a minimum of 1000 hours traveling on trains, planes and even boats for work as well as countless hours in airports waiting for delayed flights due to the crappy New England weather. I have spent sleepless nights putting together power point presentations for million dollar deals; not to mention many evenings at kinkos waiting for ill-timed presentations to be printed in color with special binders only for high powered banking executives to flip thru the slides and ultimately chuck them in the trash. I have conducted hundreds of sales presentations, some with success and others....well not so successful. I have gone from making 20k a year to 40k a year (when I thought I was the man) to making over 100k plus as already stated.

The funny thing is....I may have nice things but I don't really do anything different now than when I was making 40k...But I have lost that feeling of being the man. Over time I thought I was building something, you know the phrase: doing something with my life. I guess when its all said and done I guess my resume is pretty damn tight and I deserve a high paying job (as much as anybody with my background) but there is still something missing.

I could have taken the offer, but in reality I would still be working for the guy who makes 500k+ and the offer just didnt appeal to me...Something is off here. When do I get to the point where I am the guy in the higher tax bracket...is it even possible to make that without being the man...As stated in the last blog I said that it takes balls, it takes energy and it takes drive to be the man. I have those things but I don't have one thing...Passion. I don't have that one thing. Remember the Billy crystal movie - City Slickers.....Curly kept telling Billy that there is that one thing and he needs to figure it out. I guess in reality if we all figured out that one thing we would jump on it..or at least think about it. I personally have a dilemma - I have the drive and experience but I don't have that ability to lift just one finger and smile with a grin showing people that I have it - that I have figured out that one thing.

I had lunch today with a guy who wants to start a business. He is well beyond the 100k mark, and has about 10 years on me - but he also has the itch. What I also know is that he has passion - like Billy Crystal, he has found that one thing. The key outcome the lunch, besides being happy for my friend (always be happy that your friends are doing well - it will end up helping you in the long run; dont be jealous) , is that I know its out there - that one thing is real. Where do you find it? Where is the passion found? How do I get excited about one thing in order to become the man?

more to come....